I Want My Raptor Back

By: Damian Lampl - 12/22/2010 9:58:09 AM

Shyt with her baby raptor
It's only pixels...

First a little prologue to set the stage.  Just when I was falling in love with my troll druid, I felt obligated to try out the worgen starting zone to be fair to my goblin.  Yes, I'm a bit of an altaholic.  So I figured since the goblin zone was so much fun, despite the fact I had to roll a mage, maybe the worgen would be, too.  And it was.  Maybe because she was a lock, but I think it would have been just as much fun as any other class.

So I had just parked my newly minted worgen warlock in Darnassus when WoW Insider wrote up a Know Your Lore on Sylvanas.  It's no secret I'm a big fan of Sylvanas so I took to heart the recommendation of playing through the new Forsaken starting zones before reading it to avoid any spoilers.  After orcs, undead are my favorite race to play and I've been meaning to take Shyt for a spin so the timing seemed perfect.


Skaynk: What's Wrong With This Picture?

By: Damian Lampl - 11/29/2010 12:27:14 AM

That bitch, Sylvanas
Repeat after me: double standard.

I'm falling in love with my troll druid.  For the record, I used to hate trolls, and I have some posts I really need to get uploaded already, explaining why that was the case; and why that case is changing.  At any rate, I was running her through the new and improved Shadowfang Keep (fucking awesome, by the way) when I was slapped in the face by irony.


Skaynk: R.I.P. Lubes

By: Damian Lampl - 11/28/2010 1:04:48 AM

R.I.P. Lubes
Sometimes censor bars are a good thing.

Wow.  So Lubes didn't make it through waivers, either.  I swear she went through the first two rounds unscathed but apparently not.  It's probably fitting I suppose.  Poor thing.  She feels bad enough being one of like 5 dwarf priests and now this?  Her self esteem has to be horrible.  No, not whoreable; that's Horre's department.  Geeze, you're such a Homonym.


Skaynk: Interview with a Skank and Whore

By: Damian Lampl - 11/24/2010 6:53:53 PM

Skaynk and Horre
Skaynk and Horre - The OMFG Unrated Version!

We sat down for a candid interview with a skank and whore (Skaynk and Horre, respectively) to pick their brains on what it's like being a skank or whore in WoW.  While engaging, be warned: we're interviewing a skank and a whore.  If you're a soulless prude, you might take offense to some of the things they have to say.  Because soulless prudes are like that.  Don't be a soulless prude.


Skaynk: The Face of a Martyr

By: Damian Lampl - 11/21/2010 9:59:52 AM

Skaynk the Infinite, and The Homonyms
Skaynk the Infinite, and The Homonyms

I gave soulless prude a lot of grief in my Homonym lament, but I really need to sincerely thank that hollow human because now I'm able to use Skaynk's name in vain.  Sure it isn't as fun not being able to tool around Azeroth as the Skaynk of Silvermoon, but now I can immortalize her.  Maybe having to change her name will allow her the legacy she so clearly deserves.  Maybe now she can become more than a mere Skaynk.  More than just my Skaynk.  Maybe now she can become everyone's Skaynk, and as such, transcend skankdom into something even more skanky: a pop singer.


Skaynk: R.I.P. Homonyms

By: Damian Lampl - 11/19/2010 1:57:02 PM

The Homonyms
From left: Clytt, Nimf, Shyt, Sluhtz, Lezzi, Strippa, Skaynk, Teat, Tuat, Horre

Well, unfortunately Strippa and Shyt didn't pass the "inappropriate" test, either.  So ten toons got the name change hammer, all of them chicks.  I think Blizzard is sexist.


Skaynk: R.I.P. Horre

By: Damian Lampl - 11/18/2010 9:55:42 AM

I'll always remember you and your pussy, Horre
You were my first, Horre.

You deserve more, Horre.  More than practically an after-thought in Skaynk's lament.  Believe me, Horre, you are no after-thought.  You were my first main alt and that alone entitles you to this space.  Six years you walked the Azeroth, proudly bearing your whorish name.  Only a true whore could pull off such a feat with grace and elegance, Horre.  You truly are a Horre to remember.


Skaynk: R.I.P. Skaynk

By: Damian Lampl - 11/17/2010 8:55:31 PM

R.I.P. Skaynk (2007-2010)
You're my one and only, Skaynk.

I'll miss you, Skaynk.  You just won't be the same toon by any other name.  I wanted to make you, "of the Horde" but had to settle for, "of Silvermoon."  All the same, you're still my number one Skaynk.

I'll miss the countless quests where the NPC would say your name and make me chortle during some mindless grinding.  The double-takes from all the faction leaders as you'd walk by in nothing but your underwear (Sylvanas always stared the longest).  The bitch-slapping you'd give toons to whom which, "you never!"  The gasps.  The laughs.  All of it, Skaynk.

All of it will be missed.


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