Ritual of Chaos - Sarcasm is Sarcastic

By: Damian Lampl - 11/19/2010 12:29:34 AM

Too.. much.. pink...
There's clearly a design flaw when LSD is required to cleanse the visual palette.

I LOVE Eye of the Storm.  "Then why don't you marry it?  Ter her herr," you snidely snort.  Well, smartypants, you're in luck because I DO, in fact, love it so much that I bought it a flag and you're all invited to our wedding which will take place the next time you queue for a random battleground.  The reception will be held during your next random battleground after the wedding random battleground, and the honeymoon will be the following random battleground after the reception random battleground.

So why do I love Eye of the Storm so much?  Well, there's no other random battleground in the game where you can die by falling into an endless void while simultaneously suffering a seizure from the pinkish purple screen flashing in front of you.  Not to mention capturing a flag is the most fun and interesting random battleground mechanic ever invented.  I mean let's cut to brass tacks here, in a real random battle, that flag is THE most important asset to either side.  Proving your army can not only grab it, but also run around with it, and even take it someplace other than where it was originally planted is paramount to demoralizing your enemies in ways only us locks can fully appreciate.

If you're not at all like me and absolutely loathe Eye of the Storm, here are some tips to make this extraordinarily wonderful random battleground, that I'm totally not sick to a second-undeath of, even if it weren't the only random battleground in the game, a little more bearable for you:

  • See how many times you can get a boomkin to knock you off the middle in a single match.  My record is 57 so good luck besting that high score.
  • Try and place your Demonic Circle as close to a 90 degree angle near a ledge as you can, without falling off.  This works well for helping boomkins knock you off the middle (but you still won't beat my high score).
  • After losing 87% of your health because that ret pally threw off your initial jump with Crusader Aura, attempt to get back up to the starting ledge and finish yourself off.  If you can't make it back up there to jump again, use Hellfire before they take the fun out of it.
  • See how far you can fly off the plateau at Blood Elf Tower using the speed buff (bonus points if you can get a mage to plop Slow Fall on you before you jump).  I made it three miles but your distance will vary.
  • Camp your own graveyard, pretending like your Rain of Fire is hitting your teammates when they respawn, laughing at them scattering or trying to target you and then at the funny words they try to come up with to describe your cleverness.
  • Cannibalize a corpse while under the effects of the berserker power-up.  Hulk ANGRY.  Hulk FEED.
  • While your team currently holds no bases, personally grab the flag and jump off a ledge into oblivion with it.  Add twelve points of awesome if you can summon yourself back to the Demonic Circle you plopped down earlier and a boomkin immediately Typhoons you off again.
  • Revitalize the lost art of chain-fearing, but refuse to DOT them and see how long it takes for someone to hit you (excluding cats and rogues).  If you can make it an entire match without dying, kudos for lying; you get two points of deception.
  • Try and get a mage to drop a table in the middle by spam-yelling, "CAN WE GET A F---ING TABLE IN THE MIDDLE ALREADY?"  50DKP-plus if a mage actually does it to shut you up, and another 50 if a rogue shanks him while channeling or an owl flings him off.
  • If you get ganked by a rogue, spam /point at the nearest mage to make sure he's next.  Actually, this should be done in every battleground.

After accomplishing all that, if you're not as madly in love with Eye of the Storm as I am, we'll likely be getting divorced during the next random battleground following the honeymoon random battleground.  Hope to see you there!

P.S. - we're registered at Warsong Gulch so pick us out a nice Horde or Alliance flag for our present.  Don't worry, we can never have too many flags!

[note] This was written a while back when it seemed the only random battleground I could ever get was Eye of the Storm.  That only further emphasized my hatred of the place.





Ritual of Chaos

Delve into the void known as the warped mind of an undead warlock on a weekly pseudo-random basis. WARNING: Not for the squeemish or faint of heart.

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