Ritual of Chaos - Chaosaclysm

By: Damian Lampl - 4/7/2010 6:55:09 PM

Noticing a pattern yet?

For many of you, green fire is important.  So important, in fact, that instead of continuing to play with normal fire spells, at least one warlock has made good on a promise to manually extract his own kidney stones by inserting one of those handy grabber tools through his urethra.  Painful?  Apparently not as painful as looking at plain old orange/yellow fire in a video game... (ellipses signify the profound notion of someone shoving a metal claw up their member* as an alternative to looking at the typical rendition of fire in pixel format)  There's a video of it somewhere but this is an all-f---ing-audiences space so you're on your own to search for it.

Unfortunately not all changes will bring about the elation commonly experienced from the satisfaction of plucking out and eating the eyes of a three-day old bunny like green fire provides, but Blizzard can't hit a touchdown every face-off.

That said, there are some really cool changes coming in addition to green fire.  No, they're not changing the color of rainbows in Sholazar Basin to shades of grey or giving us the oft-requested "kill-all-rogues-and-mages-in-the-game-with-one-keystroke" spell (maybe thirteen letters a day to Blizzard just aren't enough) but there will be other goodies to shake up the way we play our locks for---at least a day or two before they nerf us.  And has green fire been mentioned yet?

In case you've been living a life outside of a video game for the past half year or so, the Soul Shard mechanic is changing in Cataclysm.  No longer will we need a really big bag that only holds Soul Shards (does anyone actually use these?), instead we'll have three burnable shards as part of a resource mechanic that will regenerate only when out of combat.  Using a Soul Shard (by casting an off-the-global-cooldown spell called Soul Burn) will provide a beneficial effect to existing spells such as making them instant-cast, increasing damage or crit chance, or various other helpful effects.  Think of them as temporary buffs or extra trinkets for your spells.

Equally exciting is the change of two curses (Agony and Doom) into "banes."  This means you'll be able to dump both an instant-cast DoT and another detrimental effect on a single target to ensure you're getting the most DPS and utility for your clicks (don't kid yourself, you're totally a clicker).

The talent tree shakeup will now give passive bonuses that will most significantly help the deepest tree in which you decide to focus the majority of your points.  So if you choose a Demonology spec (why you would choose the others is a mystery), drilling deeper into that tree will give your demon extra damage.  Similarly, deep Affliction will grant DoT bonus and Destruction will boost direct fire damage.

To read the much less entertaining (but admittedly more comprehensive) full list of planned changes, hit the forum all this information came from: http://forums.worldofwarcraft.com/thread.html?topicId=24038461679&sid=1.

Overall these class updates are honestly pretty impressive and should allow most locks to quit their bitching... er.. incessant improvement suggestions... yeah.  But nearly detracting from all the upcoming awesomeness is one of the most disturbing changes since someone at Blizzard decided, "Hey, let's give rogues the ability to completely incapacitate locks for up to ten minutes, toying with them using various stun mechanics before one-shotting them," is the decision to take away the masochism of our most infamously masochistic spell: Hellfire.  Straight from the blues, "Hellfire will no longer deal damage to the warlock."  Wait, what?  Read it again.  Here it is repeated so you don't have to read backward or scan text and risk losing your place in the paragraph, "Hellfire will no longer deal damage to the warlock."  WHAT?  That's like telling a bulimic sorority chick that throwing up will no longer make her look sexy.*  What are they trying to accomplish with this?  Look, we're WARLOCKS, not PANSIES (read: "mages" for the ignorant... mages reading).  If we WANT to kill ourselves (see: Life Tap), LET.. US... DO IT!*

Alas, aside from that goodie-two-shoes masochism removal, the bulk of the upcoming changes sound pretty sweet and sometimes we just have to give a little to gain a small planet.  Such is un-life.

* Obligatory "don't shove a metal claw into your penis, bulimia is bad, throwing up doesn't (necessarily) make a sorority chick look sexy, and DON'T F---ING KILL YOURSELF" disclaimer.





Ritual of Chaos

Delve into the void known as the warped mind of an undead warlock on a weekly pseudo-random basis. WARNING: Not for the squeemish or faint of heart.

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