Pic of the Week - Privacy, Please

By: Damian Lampl - 9/7/2009 11:59:28 PM

Pic of the Week - Privacy Please
Sometimes bathroom attendants can be a little overbearing.

"Do you know how hard it is to take a shit on such a tiny stool with some creepy dude breathing heavily over your shoulder, measuring the size of your last log? Well, do you?"

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Ritual of Chaos - PVP Guides: Wintergrasp

By: Damian Lampl - 9/4/2009 2:01:31 AM

Wintergrasp - 100k Health
Only 17 tenacity? They're slacking off.

So you've finally dinged level 50.  Time to hit up some Wintergrasp, huh?  Wait, no, even locks shouldn't be that guy.  So you've finally dinged 51.  Time to hit up some Wintergrasp, huh?  What's in it for the aspiring lock unafraid of a few (thousand) deaths in the span of twenty minutes?  Aside from cannons, the epic feel of storming or defending a castle, cannons, being the best zone in the game for farming ore/herbs/elementals, cannons, siege vehicles, cannons, epic shard/marks gear rewards, cannons, and being able to blow things up with CANNONS, Wintergrasp has beautiful scenery this time of year.  Nice flowers.

There's two basic strategies in Wintergrasp: attacking and defending.  Don't worry, despite needing a degree in Astrophysics to follow along, it won't get more complicated than that.  And there'll be no math in case rogues or mages feel like skimming through their superior class' notes.  Everyone ready?  Yes?  Damn.  I'll wait until you're not.

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Pic of the Week - Flying Chicken

By: Damian Lampl - 8/31/2009 11:58:21 PM

POW - Flying Chicken
Do chickens like to fly?

Scared shitless or machine gun noises - you decide.

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Ritual of Chaos - ChaosCon 2009

By: Damian Lampl - 8/26/2009 12:36:09 PM

ChaosCon
BlizzCon has been taken over...

Not attending BlizzCon is bittersweet. Conventions suck balls. Large clumps of human mass spewing noise and stench in every possible direction. No. Escape.

On the other hand, BlizzCon is a large clump of human mass put on by BLIZZARD. These guys don't know how to do anything second-rate. And not only do they have tons of exciting (at least for nerds like you) news and updates for the best franchise and game ever created, they also have the same exciting (man, you really are a NERD) news and information on all their other big properties - i.e. Diablo and StarCraft. Sure you could purchase the DirecTV feed or live stream, but if you're not going to nut up and brave the horror that is thousands of crazed video game fans, it's just not the same experience.

That said, it's the times they break out the best changes to our favorite class that make a person wish they were there to bask in the rage of every other class flipping out over what could quite possibly be THE GREATEST MOMENT IN THE HISTORY OF WARLOCKS SINCE GUL'DAN THOUGHT UP DEATH KNIGHTS.

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Ritual of Chaos - Do You Love Your Succubus?

By: Damian Lampl - 8/22/2009 5:44:33 PM

<strong><em>Ritual of Chaos</em></strong> - Do you love your succubus?
A beautiful evening in Durotar with Bronvina and her pet Diablo.

Admit it, you have a crush on your Succubus despite her butchy name. Yes, even you ladies in the audience - who would technically be witches instead of warlocks, no? At any rate, it naturally takes a certain breed of warlock porn starlet to be considered a demon seductress, so you'd think of all people (are we considering them people now?) they'd be the ones to best understand the importance of a good name. With that common knowledge, who chose Bronvina? It connotes images of Azeroth's Strongest Woman Competition instead of a sexy devil; not that Azeroth's Strongest Woman Competition... er... competitors... aren't sexy devils in some weird at-least-she-works-out kind of way, right? Dwarf chicks FTW, amirite? RIGHT? But we're stuck with Bronvina so we just have to get over it. GET. OVER. IT.

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Grinding Music

By: Damian Lampl - 8/21/2009 5:16:38 PM

Sylvannas - Lament of the Highborne
Sylvannas singing "Lament of the Highborne"

My musical tastes are fairly diverse, though there is certainly a strong preference toward what would be best considered metal (Slipknot, DevilDriver, older Killswitch Engage - music purists could debate for hours on the genre of each but for me it's just easiest to consider it all metal). While that's my favorite and what's most often playing on the pizod, equally enjoyable are rock, oldies, rap, jazz, and even pop every once in a while; pretty much everything except "new" country. REAL country, like Alabama and The Oak Ridge Boys is good shit. I've even thrown "Highwayman" on Repeat-1 for days on end. Like over a week straight. Literally. No, that's not a joke. And if I need to stay awake while driving, it's classical all the way - Alexander Borodin FTW, who's with me? *sigh* Look him up.

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Ritual of Chaos - Level Guide: 1-5

By: Damian Lampl - 8/21/2009 4:28:19 PM

<strong><em>Ritual of Chaos</em></strong> - Level Guide: 1-5
Awwwww, isn't he cute at Level 7?

After agonizing over your decision to roll an undead lock instead of any other class/race combination for all of the cast time of Curse of Agony, you're now watching the intro "cinematic" explaining how you were once alive and naturally a frickin human, bla, bla, bla. You were probably a mage, too. Blizzard went through the effort of writing one of those scripts for orcs, blood elves, gnomes, and yes, even humans, so it's only proper respect to acknowledge their existence. This is just inductive reasoning at its best but they probably made one for EVERY race they have in the game. Don't quote me on that, though, it's just wild and crazy speculation.

Now that the awesome voice-over-fly-by is done you can begin the daunting task of clicking a really annoying exclamation point flashing in front of your face. What's it tell you to do? Click on another exclamation point. Duh.

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Delve into the void known as the warped mind of an undead warlock on a weekly pseudo-random basis. WARNING: Not for the squeemish or faint of heart.

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