I Want My Raptor Back

By: Damian Lampl - 12/22/2010 9:58:09 AM

Shyt with her baby raptor
It's only pixels...

First a little prologue to set the stage.  Just when I was falling in love with my troll druid, I felt obligated to try out the worgen starting zone to be fair to my goblin.  Yes, I'm a bit of an altaholic.  So I figured since the goblin zone was so much fun, despite the fact I had to roll a mage, maybe the worgen would be, too.  And it was.  Maybe because she was a lock, but I think it would have been just as much fun as any other class.

So I had just parked my newly minted worgen warlock in Darnassus when WoW Insider wrote up a Know Your Lore on Sylvanas.  It's no secret I'm a big fan of Sylvanas so I took to heart the recommendation of playing through the new Forsaken starting zones before reading it to avoid any spoilers.  After orcs, undead are my favorite race to play and I've been meaning to take Shyt for a spin so the timing seemed perfect.

I was already about as loyal to Sylvanas as an undead can be, but after running through the new Tirisfal and Silverpine?  Now I'm almost hoping Forsaken break away from the Horde.  I like them both too much, though, so hopefully they don't secede.  And if you haven't yet done so, I highly recommend rolling a worgen and playing it through the starting zone, then immediately rolling a new undead and running through Silverpine.  It's pretty sweet how they tie the story together and seeing it from both sides.

But that was my plan, just roll Shyt through Silverpine so I could read the post on Sylvanas and go back to my main server and keep plugging away to 85.  Something or another about the best laid plans and I found myself in Stranglethorn with the cutest fucking raptor following Shyt around everywhere she went.  It should be known that I consider nether rays among the cutest animals in WoW so my definitions might be a bit off, but I think everyone can agree the baby raptors are pretty cute.

After this point I will include mild spoilers about some quests and such so feel free to shut your eyes and yell, "Lalalalalalalalala. I can't see you. Lalalalalaaaa."

Spoiler Zone

Shyt and her baby raptor

At any rate, there's Shyt, tooling around Stranglethorn with this awesome baby raptor practically latched onto her, all the while thinking she'll become a noncombat pet.  By this point I'd fully resolved to use this raptor as Shyt's only pet once the quests got to the point where we're allowed to train it.

Only it didn't happen.  I've already stated I'm not too keen on trolls and my new druid was just getting me to warm up to them.  But a lot of that diplomacy got thrown out the window when one troll made me spare another cowardly troll's life by handing over my baby raptor.  Grow a sack, troll.

I suppose I could have just not completed the quest, but I figured something would happen, words and numbers, and then I have my noncombat pet, right?  No, this motherfucker takes my raptor and goes home.  I even chased him until he disappeared.

Shyt and her baby raptor

So now I'm on a mission to save my helpless little raptor who's being held captive by a fucking troll.  I'm tooling all over Stranglethorn trying to find some way of getting her back, slowly racing through every chain (because I like reading the quest text and I'm a slow reader) allowing me to hopefully somehow get my raptor back.  And they let you get... so...  fucking...  close, too.  Just when you think you're getting your pet, they rip her away, forcing an unnatural bond with pixels to new levels.

I want.  My raptor.

Shyt and her baby raptor

The troll priestess was about as helpful as she could be, but the troll she has you go to for more help?  Piece of shit troll.  Fucker tells you that your raptor -- who you've just informed him is going to be caged and tortured before being destroyed in some kind of sadistic troll ritual; this helpless, innocent little raptor who was trying on skulls to make Shyt laugh -- just has to wait.

Shyt and her baby raptor

WHAT?

You expect me to just keep on tooling around questing and not be bothered by the fact my pet is going to be tortured and brutally sacrificed by trolls but there's nothing I'm able to do about it?  Really?  No.  Fuck that.  I don't care what level that troll is, I'm getting my raptor.  He can one-shot me till his heart's content but I will spend all night until the game mechanics just decide to give me back my raptor due to sheer persistence.

But the game won't let me.  As soon as that "friendly" troll tells me my raptor has to wait, I'm in Zul'Gurub searching for her.  Only problem is, the place is empty.

Where the fuck is my raptor?

Shyt and her baby raptor

I begrudgingly take the flight to some other part of the newly cataclysmized Stranglethorn hoping I'll get some kind of breadcrumb to my raptor.  After what seemed like eons (a couple or three quests) I finally catch a break.  Some other troll has me going back to Zul'Gurub.  Awesome, right?  No.  Not only is there no sign of my raptor, I get destroyed because I'm looking for her when I'm supposed to be grabbing a rope to save myself from a level ?? dick-sucking-troll-that-STOLE-MY-RAPTOR one-shot.

Then what does the quest troll have waiting for me after all this?  A fucking blue item.  Look, if it's not a [baby raptor that came out of nowhere to evolve into the most attachment I've probably ever had to pixels in my entire lifetime of gaming], don't bother.  It could be the Sword of a Thousand Truths, I don't want it.

I WANT my RAPTOR.

Shyt and her baby raptor

I went through all of Stranglethorn waiting for the next Zul'Gurub lead-in.  Only it never came.  The phasing in Booty Bay was everything I'd ever hoped for once upon a time in vanilla, and more, but it didn't quite make up for not having my raptor.  I had flashbacks to resetting Final Fantasy VII at least three times because I didn't want to kill Aeries.  There's no getting her back.

Shyt and her baby raptor

Dejected, I meandered over to Western Plaguelands, figuring it must be level 40 when I get my raptor back.  Maybe as a mount since it's probably years in game-world time I'm wasting while she's enduring unspeakable horrors in Zul'Gurub but the game won't even allow an ATTEMPT at saving her.

Will she hate me because I didn't help her if I ever DO get a chance to go back?  Soon as I ding 40 I'm back in Zul'Gurub and it's just as empty as it was the first time I tried finding my raptor.  Hopefully she understands it's not for lack of effort I'm unable to rescue her.

Shyt and her baby raptor

Through all of this, it's easily been the fastest real-time I've taken a toon from 1-40.  And that was with slowly reading each new quest, pissing around with bag space since I don't have a non-deathknight over level 25 on that server, leveling engineering, etc.

Blizzard has done an excellent job overall with Cataclysm.  The leveling progression is so much more fluid now, and even though there is a lot of hand-holding, it's still incredibly FUN.  And that's the point of a game.  Except building an attachment to pixels only to tear said pixels away and not provide a means to get those pixels back is NOT fun.  Memorable?  Definitely.  And maybe one day I will be able to look back and consider it fun.  But not until I GET MY RAPTOR.

Shyt and her baby raptor

So there sits Shyt in Zul'Gurub, just as empty as her surroundings, looking for her stolen raptor.

I WANT MY RAPTOR BACK!


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