Skaynk: What's In A Name?

By: Damian Lampl - 11/16/2010 10:37:29 PM

There is no shit
Words only have the meanings we give them.

I am fucking livid right now.  I haven't had much of a chance to play lately and I'm trying to get Tripping the Rifts on as many toons as possible.  Well, tonight I tried signing in to do that for my blood elf paladin but was unable to.  Why?  I get a popup telling me she has been flagged for rename.

Seriously.

I've been playing since open beta somewhere around six years ago now.  I made this toon very near the beginning of The Burning Crusade expansion and that was almost FOUR YEARS AGO already.  I have never changed the name of this toon, meaning it's had the exact same name for that entire time.

But now all of a sudden it needs to be changed?  No.  I call bullshit.  It is in absolutely no way offensive to ANYONE on the planet and that's the only fucking excuse I can see Blizzard trying to throw in my general direction.  It is total, absolute, and complete BULLSHIT.

Not only that, there are TWENTY-THREE OTHER TOONS WITH THIS EXACT NAME on the armory.  That means there are at least TWENTY-THREE SEPARATE SERVERS with a toon of this exact same name, not accounting for any possible lowbies under level ten.

TWENTY-THREE OTHER TOONS.  You're telling me a name is so fucking offensive that twenty-three other humans in this world chose it as well?  Really?

I don't even know what could make this right on Blizzard's part anymore.  I had to notify them with in-game tickets of all other possible naming violations.  So based on their policy, I listed EVERY ONE OF MY FUCKING TOONS.  Why?  Because policies like this piss the living motherfucking shit out of me.

Where do you draw the line?  I can find sexual connotation in absolutely ANYTHING.  That is not an exaggeration or hyperbole.  Give me a name, word, anything in the English language, and I can make it sexual.  Racial, violent, obscene, harassing, "inappropriate"... it doesn't fucking matter.  There exists NO CHARACTER NAME for a FUCKING GAME that I cannot in some way twist into the realm of "inappropriate."  NONE.

So why don't they just have a policy where every toon is given an ID.  That would make things so much easier.

Toon1: "Hey, 134522345, how's it goin today?"

Toon2: "Well I'm just peachy, 3523093.  How's the wife?   What was her name again?"

Toon1: "How could you forget 82878347223456083749086734?  She's only told you 723747283 times."

Toon2: "Ha ha!  I kid, I kid.  Of course I remember 34982889234524209384028340203."

Toon1: "No, I just told you her name is 82878347223456083749086734."

Toon2: "That's what I said, 789234572878924579823745982."

Toon1: "Look, motherfucker, if you can't remember my wife's fucking name, we're going to have problems, understand?"

Toon2: "I don't like your tone, 23475792729."

Toon1: "MY NAME IS... 134522345!"

-- Fight Ensues --

Wow, I guess you're right, Blizz.  Making sure we suck the soul out of every fucking toon in the GAME (remember, it's a FUCKING GAME?) is the only way to keep everyone politically correct and able to piss rainbows and shit the cutest widdle puppy dogs while riding the horn of a unicorn UP THEIR FUCKING ASS.

I'd do a "/rant" but I know I'm not done raging about this shit.  At some point this world needs to wake the fuck up and realize, hey, maybe we can live a motherfucking life instead of discriminating against FUCKING WORDS.  They're WORDS, people.  Letters of the alphabet strung together.  Why would words exist if they're not meant to be used?  Riddle me that, motherfuckers.  Riddle me that.

/rant_suspended_for_a_little_bit


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